Hi all, long time no blog. I guess its definitely not a good day to blog anything on a 'Doomsday'.
Hmm, some Christian guy, named Harold Camping, predicted that today at 6pm, Jesus Christ will come down and bring all the believers up with him. But, it turns out to be a 'fake and ridiculous' one. Failblog.com
Sometimes, I really wander.. What is a religion all about? But, I definitely know if you're feeling pressured or whatsoever, the religion is definitely not a good one to be in. You may say that only I'm the one feeling pressured, cause you're not in my shoes, you won't know what it is like. Sometimes, people just tends to say they know what is it about and they been through this before. Let me tell you, its totally bullshit. What may have happened to you, may not be definitely the same to others.
Next, the whole system seems screwed up. What is privacy to you? Telling someone something yet others will know? You may give me 101 reasons telling me they concern about me, worried about me, care for me. Yeah thanks, I know that. If I want to tell them, I will tell them myself, through my mouth. If I don't, I don't need you to do it for me. Thanks and hope you respect me next time. Doing such things, make me think that you're definitely not someone I can trust.
Sigh, after my Mum know that what I did in church, she is very agitated and worried. I know I cant do this anymore. I should put a stop to this. Its my greatest mistake back then, not asking her about this. On a second thought, I didn't really wanted to go for the altar-call (hope I spell it right) on that day. I was like forced or persuaded that time. This lends me to the situation I'm in right now. If I were to consult my parents.... nothing would have had happened.
When I told her I tithe (offering to the Lord), she was damn pissed. She told me that she let me go to church just to listen the preachings but not to do anything else. She thinks that only the ones who're baptised are considered 'real' Christian. Moreover, students like us don't even have a stable pay, yet we are encouraged to give our offerings. To me, it is not a must to do it. But if I don't do it, I feel weird sometimes and will just give along to express my gratitude to Him.
My Mum then tell me a story regarding her Christian friend. She don't earn much and have many children yet she tithed 10% of her income monthly. My Mum asked her why is she doing all this? And she said "I do this because, the God will bless me and protect my children from illness. If I don't do this, my children may fall sick and end up spending more money on doctors instead. " So, does it sounds like some sort of 'protection fee'?
Anyway, all this things are whirling in my mind. I hope that whatever decision I made, you would respect me. You may think this is an absurd or thinks that I'm irresponsible, I'm sorry.
I cannot be so indecisive anymore and I'm afraid, the journey ends here. I cannot hold on to the faith any longer. The world is just realistic sometimes. 人不為己, 天誅地滅.
P/s: I don't mean all churches are the same.
P/s/s: Sorry, for being so direct. This is how I feel and I don't wish to hide it anymore.
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